dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
