Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
