Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
