remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
