4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
