i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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