matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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