i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
4 words: hood of his car
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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