kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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