I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
