She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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