just come out here and I will go home with you...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
True strength comes from lack of pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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