I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
