dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
