You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hippo gnu deer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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