she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
