I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
