I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
