I'm jealous of your bromance
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
