I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize