Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
