so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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