Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
