how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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