I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize