If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
