When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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