Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
