I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish you could order shots online.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
