I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
