I smell stomach acid.
the condom got lost in my hair
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You need a sexual gate keeper
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
