not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
