k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
