I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
