listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
