But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
