How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
