I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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