Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize