Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
