I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
