My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
