You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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