Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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