if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
