fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
