Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
