We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
