I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
