So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
