you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
