Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
