Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
