....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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