Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize