I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
