dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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