Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
