I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
