also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
