someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
