You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
