Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
