I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
