I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
