just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think my fart just growled at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is wine microwaveable?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize