What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
