yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
