It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
