mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize